Feeling sad and feeling anxious are two common signs of ambiguous loss. Dr. Pauline Boss, one of the world’s leading experts on ambiguous loss. In this podcast, she shares insights and research in her newest book, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change.
Dr. Boss has accomplished a lot in her life. She’s a psychologist, thought leader, emeritus professor, and author of the seminal books Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss, and The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss In A Time of Pandemic and Change.
And she’s known worldwide for developing the theory of ambiguous loss, as well as for being a pioneer in the interdisciplinary study of family stress management. 
It’s so cool that at the age of 87, she’s having a moment!
A delightful guest, Pauline freely shares some of her personal journey and how her experiences of loss changed the scope of her newest book even as she was writing it.
Here’s the podcast link for you to enjoy.
What is Ambiguous Loss?
She says that ambiguous loss is “an unclear loss.” And that many people don’t realize they’re grieving. The result can be that the grief then becomes frozen.
Once we understand that how we’re feeling, and why we’re feeling it is because we’re grieving an unclear loss, our lives can begin making more sense.
Examples of ambiguous loss include
- the Covid pandemic,
- leaving one’s home and/or country as an immigrant or refugee, romantic relationship breakups,
- divorces,
- family disintegration,
- adoption
- caretaking an elderly spouse, partner, parent, or adult child with physical and/or mental health issues.
Pauline Boss makes it clear that most caregivers are not depressed. Nor should they be labeled with a pathologizing diagnosis they don’t deserve.
Feeling Sad and Anxious in Santa Fe, NM
What many caregivers are is sad. And it’s a sadness that’s very normal and understandable given the circumstances.
The idea that we can have closure on our normal grieving is a myth. Grief doesn’t end.
Further, if we’ve loved someone or something, we want to remember. Because we’re remembering with love.
Pauline offers helpful counsel for increasing our tolerance for ambiguous loss. She also has thoughtful advice on how to continue moving forward with our lives, even as we hold what’s dear to us in our hearts.
The truth is that feeling anxious is connected with the normal sadness of grieving a loss, whether it’s an ambiguous one, or not. But sometimes you can’t seem to get past the changes, and the feelings of anxiety don’t settle down. Then, you can get stuck in a quietly insidious cycle that compounds the trauma of the loss itself.
If that happens, you may need some professional help to begin reaching out into the world. You can learn how to start living again, knowing that there’s no such thing as closure and that you’ll be OK. 
My Approach to Feeling Sad & Anxious
I’m Melanie, the Santa Fe Therapist. My compassionate, creative approach to grief counseling in Santa Fe NM weaves together my ability to hear below the surface of the words, advanced degrees, years of specialized training, professional experience, and personal experiences healing from loss.
One of my specialities is giving women the tools to cope with intense emotions.
I use the latest neuroscience findings, and combine Western systems, Eastern wisdom, gentle Earth-based practices, as well as creative, innovative ideas to help you feel better as quickly as possible.
The Santa Fe Therapist Offers Online Counseling in Santa Fe, NM
Online therapy helps women who are struggling with grief and sorrow find the time away from day-to-day pressures to calm their nervous systems. It also makes it easy and convenient to process emotions and learn new neuroscience techniques to cope with challenges, heal the past, and begin building your future.
I strongly believe in the power of online counseling. Along with the research that proves its effectiveness, I see the positive benefits for my clients every week. If you’ve got questions about online therapy, please click here.
Online counseling from anywhere in New Mexico, including Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Taos, Los Alamos, Pecos, Las Vegas, Tesuque and El Dorado.
What to do Now
If you’re feeling sad and anxious in Santa Fe, NM, you don’t have to suffer alone anymore. Please, send me an email, and let’s schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: melanie@melanieharth.com. 
Other Services From The Santa Fe Therapist
The Santa Fe Therapist specializes in several areas of health, wellbeing, healing and recovery. I know that one size never fits all. My services are individualized to each client, and are based on your values, your needs and desires, and your goals.
I offer individual adult counseling and guidance in Santa Fe, NM and throughout New Mexico for:
- dealing with overwhelming angst and despair
- anxiety help
- depression help
- emotional and spiritual healing
- processing grief
- overcoming low self-esteem
- learning how to make peace with the present
- PTSD and CPTSD/trauma
- helping you manage stress
- online therapy
