How to Control Your Emotions
Learning how to deal with emotions includes learning how to feel what you’re feeling. Sounds simple, right? Not always. Because for a lot of people who learned that only a few feelings are acceptable, it can be hard to do. This is how super unhealthy and self-sabotaging things like people-pleasing, co-dependency, and toxic relationships can develop.
Let’s remember that so-called “negative” emotions are grossly misunderstood. Women aren’t supposed to feel things like anger, rage, or frustration. And when we do — because everyone does, because we’re human — we haven’t been taught how to feel safe feeling our feelings, set good boundaries, or communicate them to others in healthy ways.
No feeling is unacceptable. No emotion is negative. What we do in response to our feelings, how we act, makes all the difference.
You can control your emotions when you:
- re-connect with yourself and your body;
- understand how to put a name to what you’re feeling;
- trust that whatever you’re feeling is OK, because
- you are not your feelings, and
- your emotions will not hurt you; and finally,
- accept that your emotions can be potent messengers asking (or demanding) that you pay attention.
Lots of people desperately try to hide how they’re feeling, from themselves and others. Your mind tells you that the pain is unbearable; you can’t do it. Instead, you better have another glass of wine or another piece of cake or find another hookup or move across the country or … the list is endless.
Dictionary definitions of “emotional” include words like “intense feeling,” “feelings that are easily excited and openly displayed,” and “hot-blooded.” None of those is a compliment. Most of us — especially women — learned that those were bad, wrong, and inappropriate.
Shame has become associated with feeling your feels and expressing emotions. We’re taught that we are bad and wrong because we have feelings.
I’m here to call b.s. on all that.
Not being able to feel our emotions, or not knowing how to express them appropriately gets us in so much trouble. We make terrible choices because we don’t have all the information we need from our inner Wise Woman selves. We dumb down who we are, and get completely confused about what we want and need.
Internalized emotions, emotions we’ve been trying to keep a lid on our whole lives? Yeah, those can begin making us physically sick and emotionally miserable.
The antidote? Make friends with your emotions. Don’t be too afraid to get to know them. Learn their names and how they sound and feel.
A Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher once said to a group of his students, including me, that we needed to invite the troubled feelings in. And then, give them a comfy seat on the sofa in front of the fire, make a pot of tea, and then sit down with them. This helps you control your emotions, rather than them controlling you.
What if no one validated your emotions as a child? Or you were left alone to struggle with how to talk about what was going on in safe ways.
If you weren’t taught how to trust your feelings, you will be full of self-doubt.
And self-doubt can be emotionally crippling, leaving you feeling stranded on a desert island, alone and afraid. Because it means you don’t believe in yourself, or your abilities, gifts, talents, and strengths.
I mean, that’s saying something right there. If you don’t believe in much of anything good about who you are and what you can do, what does that leave you?
I’m here to tell you that it does not have to be this way for you. You are not here to take up a little bit of space on the planet, feeling miserable and wondering what went wrong until you die.
Basically, being able to regulate your emotions means that you’re able to feel whatever you’re feeling, and not knee-jerk react, act out, and generally behave like a crazy person. Until you’ve had a chance to think about it.
Ask yourself what’s going on? Why are you so angry? Remember it’s OK if you are.
What’s causing the feeling of overwhelm? Maybe you’re too tired to deal, or haven’t been eating enough. Or maybe, your life is overwhelming and you need some help sorting things out.
The Santa Fe Therapist Approach to Intense Emotions
I’m Melanie, the Santa Fe Therapist, and I love working with *stressed* women struggling to get to the other side of crazy anxiety, overwhelm, and intense emotions.
Profoundly positive things begin happening when you learn how to calm down your nervous system and understand how to manage your emotions.
Together, we’ll figure out what’s going on and what you need to begin feeling more in control and less stressed and overwhelmed. All the new neuroscience research gives us better and more effective ways to work with feelings and emotions.
One of the most powerful ways to do that is to understand how your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are intertwined. When you learn how to
- make friends with your feelings,
- manage your thoughts,
- explore new anxiety management behaviors in a safe setting —
- your life will begin changing in positive, healthy ways.
You’ll start believing in yourself again.
In balancing the science of therapy with the art of healing, I’ll create an innovative program for you that sets you on a path of success from the very first session.
Neuroscience, Eastern Wisdom, & Earth-based Practices
My compassionate, creative approach weaves together my ability to hear below the surface of the words, advanced degrees, years of specialized training, professional experience, and my own personal healing around anxiety and overwhelm.
One of my specialities is giving women the tools to cope with intense emotions. I use the latest neuroscience findings, and combine Western systems, Eastern wisdom, gentle Earth-based practices, as well as creative, innovative ideas to help you control your emotions.
My clients usually work with me once a week for 8 to 12 months. As we work together, you’ll be getting tools for long-term success and learning and using strategies and techniques to serve you for many years.
You’ll work hard for sure. But won’t all be horrible and terrible! I love sharing ideas about good books and films and laughing together once in a while.
My hope for you is that you’ll feel safe every step of the way.
How to Get Help for Intense Emotions in Santa Fe, NM
You don’t have to struggle alone anymore with feeling overwhelmed, irritable, cranky, constantly worrying, too restless to be quiet and calm, anger, or sleepless nights.
Counseling for intense emotions can make a world of positive difference in your life. When you reach out for help, you’re making an investment in yourself that can change in your life in the best of ways.
All you have to do is send me an email to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: email@example.com. Let’s get you feeling better as quickly as possible.
The Santa Fe Therapist Offers Online Counseling in New Mexico
Online therapy helps busy women find the time away from day-to-day pressures to calm their nervous systems. It also makes it easy and convenient to process emotions and learn new neuroscience techniques to cope with challenges, heal the past, and begin building your future. You can control your emotions, and take charge of your life.
I strongly believe in the power of online counseling. Along with the research that proves its effectiveness, I see the positive benefits for clients every week. Click here if you’ve got questions about online therapy.
Online counseling from anywhere in New Mexico, including Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Taos, Los Alamos, Pecos, Las Vegas, Tesuque and El Dorado.
Other Services From The Santa Fe Therapist
The Santa Fe Therapist specializes in several areas of health, wellbeing, healing and recovery. I know that one size never fits all. My services are individualized to each client, and are based on your values, your needs and desires, and your goals.
I offer individual adult counseling and guidance in Santa Fe NM for:
- dealing with overwhelming angst and despair
- anxiety help
- depression help
- emotional and spiritual healing
- processing grief
- overcoming low self-esteem
- learning how to make peace with the present
- PTSD and CPTSD/trauma
- helping you manage stress
- online therapy